“So much of me wants to be lost in my grand ideas and reflections, away from the noise and urgency of other people, but I cannot escape the fact that growth invariably involves the messiness of genuine human contact and the struggles of intimacy.” (Adam McHugh)
I can relate to the above sentiment. I am constantly learning to adjust to this reality of being a lead pastor. There are some weeks when the mess of relationships just continues to pile on. Last week alone, for instance, was a week where I just wish I could have hide in a cave for the entire week. I just kept getting little points of feedback… not all of it very constructive, unfortunately. Some about the worship service, some about children’s curriculum, some about men’s ministry, some about the women’s ministry, some about mission’s giving, some about why people would show up to a ping pong event and not a prayer meeting.
That’s not counting the people who are legitimately hurting right now. People who are struggling to get by financially, people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, people who are dealing with medical surgeries and recovery. The emotional toll of lead ministry was higher than I ever expected. And yet, I am called to be the pastor of a congregation of people. Even more so, I am called to be IN the fellowship of the church. Pastor or not… I belong to this imperfect body of people called the church.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer says this: “If you scorn the fellowship of the brethren, you reject the call of Jesus Christ, and thus your solitude can only be hurtful to you.” This is a good reminder for an introvert. There is something God created me to bring to the fellowship of believers and there is something that I gain… only by connecting into the fellowship of believers.
McHugh goes on in this chapter to detail how community is emphasized in scripture. The majority of the scriptures were written to a group of people… the nation of Israel or to the Early Church of Jesus Christ. God’s plan for the redemption of the world is played out in the context of community. And when we read the ‘new creation’ passages that point to an unknown future… it is always set in a community context… with the gathering of all the believers to live in this new reality.
Community is important… so as an introvert… I must figure out how to appropriately fit into it. As an introverted pastor, I must figure out how to adequately leverage my gifts and my personality make-up to be as effective as possible. And in those times when the emotional drain is heavy… I must figure out ways to move forward with strength and integrity… but at the same time, to figure out ways to protect myself from becoming disillusioned and burnt out.
In post 5.2, I’ll look at the list of practical suggestions that McHugh gives for an introvert to connect effectively into a community context.
Friday, March 04, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
Life Mapping 2
This post will continue my thoughts regarding a life graph that my mentor illustrated for me. Please refer to ‘Life Mapping 1’ for anything in this post to make sense. It’s interesting… but I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a pastor. I played ‘pastor’ for my family members when I was young. I felt called to ministry in Jr. High. I knew early on in high school that I would attend Indiana Wesleyan University in order to gain a degree that would allow me to be ordained in the Wesleyan church (the only denomination I knew anything about, truthfully.) From a family standpoint, I was encouraged to pursue this dream.
College was more of the same. It was the first time I saw any kind of academic success… but really only within my major. I still felt a little out of place with the normal Christian Ministry major at the time. And truthfully, I don’t think many of my professors really knew what to do with me. I think most of them liked me… but not many really knew what to do with a long haired, overweight, hippy looking kid that wanted to be a preacher. In fairness, I’m not sure I would have known what to do with me. During college, I never faltered in my desire and interest to become a pastor.
Relating back to the funnel… I almost feel like I never had a ‘wide open’ moment in my life… where there were numerous occupational decisions in front of me. It was always ministry. Always. Fast forward a couple of years to my second church… and there were moments where I desperately wanted out of ministry. I wanted the funnel to widen for my life. There were a lot of reasons for it… none which I’ll go into here… but I could think of a handful of other things that I’d rather be doing… but just couldn’t afford to go back to school. Truthfully, I think God had (and continues to) purposefully remove a ‘plan B’ because He knows that would be too much of a temptation.
Anyway… I am currently in my 30’s doing lead pastor ministry. There are days when I love it and it really makes sense to me. There are other days (or weeks) where I can’t imagine carrying this load for another 35 years or so. It’s a humbling journey. It makes me curious to see if the ‘life-map’ will be accurate from here on out. Will I have a time of refocusing in my 40’s? If so, what will that look like?
This second post was written over a couple of days… so I’m not sure I got down what I really wanted to get down on this issue. I’m working through a lot of different personal issues in my head. I would say that the past six months have been extremely valuable for me in rediscovering my base… my foundation. God has pointed me to several books that have been so important for me to read recently. I’ve really done some interesting introspection that has turned into some tangible ways forward in keeping myself healthy and fully engaged in ministry… I’ll get to that on a different day.
College was more of the same. It was the first time I saw any kind of academic success… but really only within my major. I still felt a little out of place with the normal Christian Ministry major at the time. And truthfully, I don’t think many of my professors really knew what to do with me. I think most of them liked me… but not many really knew what to do with a long haired, overweight, hippy looking kid that wanted to be a preacher. In fairness, I’m not sure I would have known what to do with me. During college, I never faltered in my desire and interest to become a pastor.
Relating back to the funnel… I almost feel like I never had a ‘wide open’ moment in my life… where there were numerous occupational decisions in front of me. It was always ministry. Always. Fast forward a couple of years to my second church… and there were moments where I desperately wanted out of ministry. I wanted the funnel to widen for my life. There were a lot of reasons for it… none which I’ll go into here… but I could think of a handful of other things that I’d rather be doing… but just couldn’t afford to go back to school. Truthfully, I think God had (and continues to) purposefully remove a ‘plan B’ because He knows that would be too much of a temptation.
Anyway… I am currently in my 30’s doing lead pastor ministry. There are days when I love it and it really makes sense to me. There are other days (or weeks) where I can’t imagine carrying this load for another 35 years or so. It’s a humbling journey. It makes me curious to see if the ‘life-map’ will be accurate from here on out. Will I have a time of refocusing in my 40’s? If so, what will that look like?
This second post was written over a couple of days… so I’m not sure I got down what I really wanted to get down on this issue. I’m working through a lot of different personal issues in my head. I would say that the past six months have been extremely valuable for me in rediscovering my base… my foundation. God has pointed me to several books that have been so important for me to read recently. I’ve really done some interesting introspection that has turned into some tangible ways forward in keeping myself healthy and fully engaged in ministry… I’ll get to that on a different day.
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
The Pressure Is On
I listened to a sermon yesterday given by Kevin Myers of 12Stone Church in Atlanta, Georgia. He was speaking about economic pressure and stress. He said something that made a lot of sense as it relates to our personal finances… but also as it relates to just about anything in life. He said that there are two kinds of pressure financially: Before pressure and after pressure.
He suggested that most people choose ‘after’ pressure. We see that by the massive amount of credit card debt we have in this country. We are an impulsive people… spending money that we don’t have for things we think we need… and eventually those choices will catch up to us. Maybe in the form of interest rates that we can’t keep up with. Maybe in the form of not being able to pay electricity or whatever. Maybe in the form of bankruptcy. This is ‘after’ pressure… and it’s NOT pressure that we put on ourselves… but that other people or circumstances put upon us.
He also suggested that life would go a lot smoother if we chose ‘before’ pressure. As opposed to ‘after’ pressure… this is pressure that we DO put on ourselves. Some might call it discipline. But it’s putting pressure on ourselves ahead of time to make the wise decision. In the area of finance, it’s saying NO to spending money we don’t have. We put pressure on ourselves to say NO now… so that we avoid someone else putting pressure on us to pay them later.
But isn’t that true in many areas? Right now, I am choosing to put pressure on myself to only eat a certain amount of food per day so that I can get to a healthy weight. I am trying to utilize ‘before’ pressure. Because, truthfully, in the area of food… I have primarily dealt with ‘after’ pressure… bad knees, low energy, random heart issues. It’s time I start putting ‘before’ pressure on myself consistently in this area.
I can be a procrastinator at times. But what if I utilized ‘before’ pressure to deal with those things in which I procrastinate in a timely manner. That way I avoid the ‘after’ pressure of deadlines, impatient people, and added stress.
I think this could be true in relationships as well. I put ‘before’ pressure on myself to continue to cultivate a relationship with my wife and kids. I do this to avoid the ‘after’ pressure of hurt feelings, distance, and disappointment.
Anyway… I found this helpful. I know it’s just a restating of stuff I’ve learned before… but for whatever reason… it resonated with me at this time in my life and has given me a lot of think about…
He suggested that most people choose ‘after’ pressure. We see that by the massive amount of credit card debt we have in this country. We are an impulsive people… spending money that we don’t have for things we think we need… and eventually those choices will catch up to us. Maybe in the form of interest rates that we can’t keep up with. Maybe in the form of not being able to pay electricity or whatever. Maybe in the form of bankruptcy. This is ‘after’ pressure… and it’s NOT pressure that we put on ourselves… but that other people or circumstances put upon us.
He also suggested that life would go a lot smoother if we chose ‘before’ pressure. As opposed to ‘after’ pressure… this is pressure that we DO put on ourselves. Some might call it discipline. But it’s putting pressure on ourselves ahead of time to make the wise decision. In the area of finance, it’s saying NO to spending money we don’t have. We put pressure on ourselves to say NO now… so that we avoid someone else putting pressure on us to pay them later.
But isn’t that true in many areas? Right now, I am choosing to put pressure on myself to only eat a certain amount of food per day so that I can get to a healthy weight. I am trying to utilize ‘before’ pressure. Because, truthfully, in the area of food… I have primarily dealt with ‘after’ pressure… bad knees, low energy, random heart issues. It’s time I start putting ‘before’ pressure on myself consistently in this area.
I can be a procrastinator at times. But what if I utilized ‘before’ pressure to deal with those things in which I procrastinate in a timely manner. That way I avoid the ‘after’ pressure of deadlines, impatient people, and added stress.
I think this could be true in relationships as well. I put ‘before’ pressure on myself to continue to cultivate a relationship with my wife and kids. I do this to avoid the ‘after’ pressure of hurt feelings, distance, and disappointment.
Anyway… I found this helpful. I know it’s just a restating of stuff I’ve learned before… but for whatever reason… it resonated with me at this time in my life and has given me a lot of think about…
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