Friday, October 28, 2011

Introverts In the Church 5.2

McHugh continues in chapter five with some ‘myths of belonging.’ The first myth he addresses is this one: more personality = more belonging. This myth suggests that the more extroverted and outgoing you are, the better connected you can get into a community. Community is linked to natural personality.

In fact, McHugh goes on to say this (which I had never really thought about in this way before). “…it is a temptation for churches to define spiritual maturity as attendance: regular worship, participating in a committee or leadership team, and involvement in a small group. The implicit though is that the mark of true, progressing discipleship is participation in an increasing number of activities.” He goes on to point out that sporadic worship… or a hesitancy to join in various activities of the church usually land you with an ‘uncommitted’ label.

This is an interesting connection. I have made this mistake before. And I have had to be careful in this area. For instance: small groups. I think small groups can be a really great way to connect into a group of people in a more intimate way. However, throughout my time as a pastor… I’ve noticed that there are select people who are just simply uncomfortable in a small group setting. They still attend Sunday morning… they still give generously… they still help out as needed… but they never commit to a small group. I think some people just never really feel comfortable in a small group.

Truth be told, if I wasn’t a pastor… I don’t even know if I would chase after a small group opportunity… unless they were covering a topic that I was interested in. Coming from an introvert… here’s the problem: I prefer to connect with people on a 1-on-1 setting. That way I can decide exactly how much to share of myself… how many layers to pull back… etc. When you are in a small group… you are dealing with seven to ten different sets of ears… not all of whom you would naturally be comfortable sharing. I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of a small group that I feel completely safe in.

McHugh goes on: “Introverts have layered personalities, and they prefer to slowly unpeel the layers as they bond with people over time.” This explains why small groups can be difficult for me… But this principle works in a lot of different places: I remember having a conversation with a district leader in Michigan… and it was the very first conversation I ever had with him… and one of the first things he asked me was ‘how my thought life’ was. In other words, are you struggling with lust? I remember being horrified… not because that was a struggle… but because it takes a little while to build trust with someone before I share those types of things. But then again, this guy was a full bore extravert.

There’s still quite a bit left to chapter five and I’m going to try to remain more consistent in my detailing it here on the blog.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

"Depression is often a birthing process just before God makes a breakthrough. If you can look at depression as a gift and look at what God is going to do in you through it in the future, it can change your perspective about it." -Unknown

Friday, March 04, 2011

Introverts In the Church 5.1

“So much of me wants to be lost in my grand ideas and reflections, away from the noise and urgency of other people, but I cannot escape the fact that growth invariably involves the messiness of genuine human contact and the struggles of intimacy.” (Adam McHugh)

I can relate to the above sentiment. I am constantly learning to adjust to this reality of being a lead pastor. There are some weeks when the mess of relationships just continues to pile on. Last week alone, for instance, was a week where I just wish I could have hide in a cave for the entire week. I just kept getting little points of feedback… not all of it very constructive, unfortunately. Some about the worship service, some about children’s curriculum, some about men’s ministry, some about the women’s ministry, some about mission’s giving, some about why people would show up to a ping pong event and not a prayer meeting.

That’s not counting the people who are legitimately hurting right now. People who are struggling to get by financially, people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, people who are dealing with medical surgeries and recovery. The emotional toll of lead ministry was higher than I ever expected. And yet, I am called to be the pastor of a congregation of people. Even more so, I am called to be IN the fellowship of the church. Pastor or not… I belong to this imperfect body of people called the church.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer says this: “If you scorn the fellowship of the brethren, you reject the call of Jesus Christ, and thus your solitude can only be hurtful to you.” This is a good reminder for an introvert. There is something God created me to bring to the fellowship of believers and there is something that I gain… only by connecting into the fellowship of believers.

McHugh goes on in this chapter to detail how community is emphasized in scripture. The majority of the scriptures were written to a group of people… the nation of Israel or to the Early Church of Jesus Christ. God’s plan for the redemption of the world is played out in the context of community. And when we read the ‘new creation’ passages that point to an unknown future… it is always set in a community context… with the gathering of all the believers to live in this new reality.

Community is important… so as an introvert… I must figure out how to appropriately fit into it. As an introverted pastor, I must figure out how to adequately leverage my gifts and my personality make-up to be as effective as possible. And in those times when the emotional drain is heavy… I must figure out ways to move forward with strength and integrity… but at the same time, to figure out ways to protect myself from becoming disillusioned and burnt out.

In post 5.2, I’ll look at the list of practical suggestions that McHugh gives for an introvert to connect effectively into a community context.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Life Mapping 2

This post will continue my thoughts regarding a life graph that my mentor illustrated for me. Please refer to ‘Life Mapping 1’ for anything in this post to make sense. It’s interesting… but I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a pastor. I played ‘pastor’ for my family members when I was young. I felt called to ministry in Jr. High. I knew early on in high school that I would attend Indiana Wesleyan University in order to gain a degree that would allow me to be ordained in the Wesleyan church (the only denomination I knew anything about, truthfully.) From a family standpoint, I was encouraged to pursue this dream.

College was more of the same. It was the first time I saw any kind of academic success… but really only within my major. I still felt a little out of place with the normal Christian Ministry major at the time. And truthfully, I don’t think many of my professors really knew what to do with me. I think most of them liked me… but not many really knew what to do with a long haired, overweight, hippy looking kid that wanted to be a preacher. In fairness, I’m not sure I would have known what to do with me.  During college, I never faltered in my desire and interest to become a pastor.

Relating back to the funnel… I almost feel like I never had a ‘wide open’ moment in my life… where there were numerous occupational decisions in front of me. It was always ministry. Always. Fast forward a couple of years to my second church… and there were moments where I desperately wanted out of ministry. I wanted the funnel to widen for my life. There were a lot of reasons for it… none which I’ll go into here… but I could think of a handful of other things that I’d rather be doing… but just couldn’t afford to go back to school. Truthfully, I think God had (and continues to) purposefully remove a ‘plan B’ because He knows that would be too much of a temptation.

Anyway… I am currently in my 30’s doing lead pastor ministry. There are days when I love it and it really makes sense to me. There are other days (or weeks) where I can’t imagine carrying this load for another 35 years or so. It’s a humbling journey. It makes me curious to see if the ‘life-map’ will be accurate from here on out. Will I have a time of refocusing in my 40’s? If so, what will that look like?

This second post was written over a couple of days… so I’m not sure I got down what I really wanted to get down on this issue. I’m working through a lot of different personal issues in my head. I would say that the past six months have been extremely valuable for me in rediscovering my base… my foundation. God has pointed me to several books that have been so important for me to read recently. I’ve really done some interesting introspection that has turned into some tangible ways forward in keeping myself healthy and fully engaged in ministry… I’ll get to that on a different day.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

The Pressure Is On

I listened to a sermon yesterday given by Kevin Myers of 12Stone Church in Atlanta, Georgia. He was speaking about economic pressure and stress. He said something that made a lot of sense as it relates to our personal finances… but also as it relates to just about anything in life. He said that there are two kinds of pressure financially: Before pressure and after pressure.

He suggested that most people choose ‘after’ pressure. We see that by the massive amount of credit card debt we have in this country. We are an impulsive people… spending money that we don’t have for things we think we need… and eventually those choices will catch up to us. Maybe in the form of interest rates that we can’t keep up with. Maybe in the form of not being able to pay electricity or whatever. Maybe in the form of bankruptcy. This is ‘after’ pressure… and it’s NOT pressure that we put on ourselves… but that other people or circumstances put upon us.

He also suggested that life would go a lot smoother if we chose ‘before’ pressure. As opposed to ‘after’ pressure… this is pressure that we DO put on ourselves. Some might call it discipline. But it’s putting pressure on ourselves ahead of time to make the wise decision. In the area of finance, it’s saying NO to spending money we don’t have. We put pressure on ourselves to say NO now… so that we avoid someone else putting pressure on us to pay them later.

But isn’t that true in many areas? Right now, I am choosing to put pressure on myself to only eat a certain amount of food per day so that I can get to a healthy weight. I am trying to utilize ‘before’ pressure. Because, truthfully, in the area of food… I have primarily dealt with ‘after’ pressure… bad knees, low energy, random heart issues. It’s time I start putting ‘before’ pressure on myself consistently in this area.

I can be a procrastinator at times. But what if I utilized ‘before’ pressure to deal with those things in which I procrastinate in a timely manner. That way I avoid the ‘after’ pressure of deadlines, impatient people, and added stress.

I think this could be true in relationships as well. I put ‘before’ pressure on myself to continue to cultivate a relationship with my wife and kids. I do this to avoid the ‘after’ pressure of hurt feelings, distance, and disappointment.

Anyway… I found this helpful. I know it’s just a restating of stuff I’ve learned before… but for whatever reason… it resonated with me at this time in my life and has given me a lot of think about…

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Life Mapping 1

In case you haven’t noticed (if there is still anyone still reading this, haha) this blog has shifted in focus pretty dramatically since it started in 2004. Back then, I wrote pieces on a lot of different things… some religious in nature… some hobbies and passions of mine… family updates… those types of things. It was a mish-mash for sure.

I feel like it’s shifted recently to almost an on-line journal. This is less what I should write that will entertain the people reading… and more about writing publically concerning the things that are going on inside of me. And over the past year and a half… I feel like there has been a deep heart transition taking place within me. It’s really quite difficult to explain. And because this is so… I really haven’t communicated it with a lot of people. I look at this blog as a bit of an outlet, I guess. I really haven’t disclosed much here in regard to what this transition is… mostly because I still feel that I’m in the midst of it… but it’s a good place to write and put down into words what I’m feeling, wrestling with and thinking about. Anyway, here’s another personal evaluation post: Take from it what you can

I recently had a breakfast meeting with a man who I’ve asked to mentor me. It’s been a joy to connect with him. He has a wealth of information to pass along in terms of psychology and learning to process certain types of life management type things. He showed me a model that he had picked up in his own journey. It was a funnel… with a wide top at the beginning which represented childhood, teen years and the 20’s. It symbolized how wide open the possibilities are in that phase of life… lots of choices and directions and things you could invest your life in. The funnel narrowed dramatically… and he said this represented the 30’s. It’s there where, traditionally, you’ve identified what career path you are firmly in… and in fact… this is the time where you really understand how you fit specifically within your own field.

The graph moves on to show a line in the funnel… which represents the 40’s and how there are times when our choices in our late 20’s and early 30’s end up not going quite the way we’d like it to go and so we need to refocus… or maybe we are in the field we are supposed to be in… but we’ve experienced some mission drift and need to figure out a way to leverage our gifts so that we are making the most of the time we have left working in this field.

The graph widens again at 60… I can’t remember what he said about this exactly… but it seems like this represents retirement from your chosen field… and a time when you could involve yourself in just about anything you want again… the possibilities widen to a certain point in retirement when you aren’t constrained by time of your full time occupation.

It was interesting to see it illustrated like it was… and obviously there are many exceptions to the rule… but I thought I’d throw this out into cyberspace as a two part post. The first is this one. My next one will be much more personal in how I see myself fitting into the various points of the graph. Be back soon.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Introverts In the Church 4.4

I’m finally going to finish processing chapter four. McHugh spends some time breaking down his personal ‘rule of life.’ These are the following questions that he has asked of himself to develop a rule of life that works for him:

• What are the times of the day when I feel the most energized?
• When do I feel the most tired?
• How much sleep do I need?
• What are the physical habits that energize me? Drain me?
• When do I most feel the need for solitude?
• How do I find soul rest?
• What are the spiritual disciplines where I feel most restored by God
• What are the relationships in which I feel the most refreshed? Most drained?

McHugh has developed a rule of life centered around rhythms that work for him. He finds that his relational stamina is drained as he proceeds through the day… so he takes that into consideration. He builds in daily, weekly, monthly and yearly activities to keep him at healthy levels of relational energy.

He recommends building in a few habits that have been helpful to him: Intercession, study and reflective reading, journaling and writing, silence and centering prayer, and Sabbath. Three of those five have been very helpful to me… and I’d like to get better at all of them.

The above ‘rule of life’ questions are helpful. I am most energized at the beginning of the day… by far. I am much like McHugh in that way… my best relational energy time is in the morning… early afternoon. I feel the most tired at night… right about 9PM. I usually need about 7 to 8 hours to feel normal. I can get by with 6 every now and again… but it will catch up with me eventually. I don’t take naps very often… so it’s important for me to stay disciplined with getting to bed at a decent time. The rest of the questions are even more important…

For instance, I’m going to start building in two monthly rhythms into my schedule… one which will help me be more intentional about doing future-tense ministry planning… and the other which is designed to help me recover from ‘meeting hangover’ without taking it out on my family. So each month, I plan on getting out of the office two work days a month. The first will be to hole up somewhere… like the public library… or somewhere else where I can work uninterrupted on future tense ministry planning.

The second will be scheduled after a particular monthly meeting which has the tendency to suck the life out of me. That day will be spent off-campus… but the focus will not be future tense… because that tends to be the last thing I want to think about after this particular meeting. The focus will be on relationship building with God; finding soul-rest; being with people who encourage me; and protecting myself from things, people, and conversations that will send me deeper into hangover mode. I can let this one meeting affect me for an entire week if I let it… so the goal is to minimize the ‘hangover’ time as much as possible… so that I can get back on stable emotional and relational footing quicker than I have in the past.

I’m sure more rhythms will come into focus as I continue to explore this book further.

The next chapter is one that I have great interest in reading: The title: ‘Introverted Community and Relationships.’

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Introverts In the Church 4.3

Another component of chapter four has to do with life’s rhythms. McHugh states (correctly in my opinion) that we must ‘learn to listen to each part of our nature (body, soul, mind, emotion) if we are to find balance and peace in our introversion.' And then he kicks into a look at life’s larger rhythms. He looks at the idea of a ‘reflection-action-reflection’ rhythms as working well for an introvert. He shows how God has built this type of rhythm into our lives. Sabbath rest… for example… is a way of expressing this rhythm in a weekly manner. “Sabbath rest enables us to see broader patterns of the Spirit’s work and teaches us not to capitulate to the restless activity of our culture. Sabbath gives us permission to do what our introverted hearts cry out for: to restfully reflect, contemplate, observe, retreat into and marvel at God’s creation.”

Time for self reflection… I realize how important my day off has become for me. I’ve never struggled with taking a day off… what I’ve struggled with is how to make my day off work for me. I feel like I’m getting better at making that day more effective in recharging who I am and using it to gain what I need to move forward with more strength. I remember one day this past October when I went outside to play with Aaron… and I ended up laying on our trampoline… looking up at the clear blue sky… reading a book… and thinking: This is exactly the type of thing I need… enjoying God’s creation… enjoying Aaron… enjoying a book. It was one of those moments when a profound sense of peace flooded over me. I never know when those moments will occur. But it took me being willing to unplug and go outside.

McHugh continues on in this chapter about the smaller rhythms in life. He gives a story about a summer in Mexico that sounds extremely close to the feeling I had on a trip to Nepal. Sensory overload and no time of solitude lead to a hazy fatigued feeling. His first assumption was that he was not cut out for missions… when all he needed was space to recharge.

He also spoke about the importance of sleep… and he spoke about the importance strategically placing intentional moments of recharge throughout the day. I am picking up on this in my own life. I’ve discovered that certain meetings at church absolutely sap my emotional reserves. I call it a ‘meeting hangover.’ I have a hard time sleeping after such meetings… and I just feel restless and listless throughout the rest of the day. After four years of this particular meeting… I just this week came to the realization that I need to handle the day after the meeting much differently than I currently do. I need to set up appointments with people who inspire me. I need to reconnect with my family. If I’m working… I probably need to get offsite for the day and go hole up at a library somewhere. I need to do things that will energize me out of my funk.

McHugh talks at length about a ‘rule of life.’ His definition is helpful: “The rule of life works with the internal and external rhythms we discover as we come to embrace who we are. This is not simply a schedule or a calendar; a rule of life opens us to the awareness of God’s presence, not only in our moments of quiet but in all aspects of our lives.”

In my next post… I’ll summarize what McHugh’s rule of life is and begin to process how that might be applicable to me.

Saturday, January 01, 2011

2010 Reading List

It's hard to believe, but this is my fifth reading list now. 5 years. Wow that went fast! My reading dropped off a little from last year. I finished a far smaller amount of professional books than I did the year before. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’ve started a gazillion different books in 2010… but never ended up finishing them. As always, here's my disclaimer: This list only represents the books that I actually finished. This would be a far greater list if I retold all the books that I started, parts of commentaries that looked through, or early church reading that I accomplished. Okay, here it goes:

Professional Reading

1. The Threefold Art of Experiencing God (Christian Schwarz) 31 Pages
2. Sacred Pathways (Gary Thomas) 233 Pages
3. The Gospel and Our Culture (N.T. Wright) 33 Pages
4. Son of Hamas (Mosab Hassan Yousef) 265 Pages
5. Surprised By Hope (N.T. Wright) 332 Pages
6. Care of Creation (edited by Joseph Coleson) 201 Pages
7. Why Pray? (John F. DeVries) 255 Pages
8. Know Doubt (John Ortberg) 186 Pages
9. Color Your World w/ NCD (Christian Schwarz) 191 Pages
10. Fit To Be Tied (Bill and Lynne Hybels) 234 Pages
11. Living the Christian Year (Bobby Gross) 332 Pages
12. The Last Fall (Jay Blevins) 192 Pages

Personal Reading

1. Star Wars: Skyborn (ebook – John Jackson Miller) 31 Pages
2. The Lost Symbol (Dan Brown) 509 Pages
3. Star Wars: A Forest Apart (ebook – Troy Denning) 50 Pages
4. Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (James Rollins) 360 Pages
5. Star Wars: Paragon (ebook – John Jackson Miller) 32 Pages
6. Pursuit of Honor (Vince Flynn) 431 Pages
7. Star Wars: Backlash (Aaron Allston) 309 Pages
8. The Tales of Beedle the Bard (J.K. Rowling) 107 Pages
9. Star Wars: Savior (ebook – John Jackson Miller) 31 Pages
10. Ford County (John Grisham) 308 Pages
11. Star Wars: Allies (Christie Golden) 359 Pages
12. Project Future (Chad Denver Emerson) 185 Pages
13. Star Wars: The Clone Wars 256 Pages
14. Absolute Power (David Baldacci) 678 Pages
15. Star Wars: The Ruins of Dantooine 286 Pages
16. Total Control (David Baldacci) 520 Pages
17. Star Wars: Street of Shadows 306 Pages
18. The Winner (David Baldacci) 628 Pages
19. Star Wars: Purgatory (ebook – John Jackson Miller) 30 Pages
20. The Confession (John Grisham) 418 Pages

32 Books, 8319 Total Pages

Top Three Professional
1. Surprised by Hope – This was incredibly formative to me. It has helped shape my view of heaven… along with giving me more reason to question the standard view of the end times. (Example 'Left Behind') Loved it, loved it, loved it.
2. Living the Christian Year – Fantastic introduction to the church calendar. Comes with appropriately themed devotions. I traced through this book the entire year and found it to be very accessible and helpful. I would highly recommend for anyone wanting to learn more about the various seasons of the church year.
3. Sacred Pathways – A helpful study on the different spiritual styles that each of us might utilize based on experience and personality. For someone who has grown tired and bored of the normal devotional prescriptions given to them by the church… this book offers a few different ways and suggestions for connecting with God. Thought-provoking.

Top Three Personal
1. Project Future – Great book about the beginnings of Walt Disney World. It was fascinating to hear about all the various ‘maneuvering’ that took place to buy all that land. This lands at number one… more because of my interest in Walt Disney World. Very few people, I’m sure, would put this at #1 on their list.
2. The Confession – A very strong John Grisham offering. Harkens back to his early books when he tackles some very difficult issues. I couldn’t put it down for a span of about 200 pages or so.
3. The Winner – Liked it mainly because it was such a different type of story. Memorable characters and a creative plot lands this book in my top three.