McHugh continues in chapter five with some ‘myths of belonging.’ The first myth he addresses is this one: more personality = more belonging. This myth suggests that the more extroverted and outgoing you are, the better connected you can get into a community. Community is linked to natural personality.
In fact, McHugh goes on to say this (which I had never really thought about in this way before). “…it is a temptation for churches to define spiritual maturity as attendance: regular worship, participating in a committee or leadership team, and involvement in a small group. The implicit though is that the mark of true, progressing discipleship is participation in an increasing number of activities.” He goes on to point out that sporadic worship… or a hesitancy to join in various activities of the church usually land you with an ‘uncommitted’ label.
This is an interesting connection. I have made this mistake before. And I have had to be careful in this area. For instance: small groups. I think small groups can be a really great way to connect into a group of people in a more intimate way. However, throughout my time as a pastor… I’ve noticed that there are select people who are just simply uncomfortable in a small group setting. They still attend Sunday morning… they still give generously… they still help out as needed… but they never commit to a small group. I think some people just never really feel comfortable in a small group.
Truth be told, if I wasn’t a pastor… I don’t even know if I would chase after a small group opportunity… unless they were covering a topic that I was interested in. Coming from an introvert… here’s the problem: I prefer to connect with people on a 1-on-1 setting. That way I can decide exactly how much to share of myself… how many layers to pull back… etc. When you are in a small group… you are dealing with seven to ten different sets of ears… not all of whom you would naturally be comfortable sharing. I don’t think I’ve ever been a part of a small group that I feel completely safe in.
McHugh goes on: “Introverts have layered personalities, and they prefer to slowly unpeel the layers as they bond with people over time.” This explains why small groups can be difficult for me… But this principle works in a lot of different places: I remember having a conversation with a district leader in Michigan… and it was the very first conversation I ever had with him… and one of the first things he asked me was ‘how my thought life’ was. In other words, are you struggling with lust? I remember being horrified… not because that was a struggle… but because it takes a little while to build trust with someone before I share those types of things. But then again, this guy was a full bore extravert.
There’s still quite a bit left to chapter five and I’m going to try to remain more consistent in my detailing it here on the blog.
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