Shortly after I began full time ministry in Kalamazoo, I found out a harsh truth: Not everybody would like me. I found out another harsh truth soon after: Not everyone would have a good reason for not liking me. Ouch. Double ouch.
I grew up in a very positive home… and I attended a very positive church. My dad served as the Vice-chairman of the Local Board of Administration for years… as well as the Lay Leader. I’m sure that he shielded me from the negative politics that sometimes happen in a church. My parents always modeled to me what I thought all parishioners were like: Very loyal and very concerned about their pastor. I don’t ever remember either of my parents saying a negative thing about Pastor John while I lived under their roof.
So, you can imagine how naïve I was going in to my first ministry position. And you can imagine how hurt I was when I found out that someone was upset at me, or annoyed at me, or questioning a decision I made with everyone else EXCEPT me! Ouch. Double ouch.
Now, I should probably say this right here and now: About 98% of the people at Kalamazoo were exactly like my parents: They loved their pastors. They lavished encouragement and gifts upon their pastors. They respected their pastors. They took care of their pastors. My opening thoughts are not meant to be a condemnation of KWC… because I loved every minute of the four years I was there. This is meant to illustrate the ‘culture shock’ I encountered once I actually became a pastor and realized that there were a few people that just didn’t like me… and how frustrating it was for me to look back to the things I had said or done in their presence to cause such animosity… and not see anything that should cause this much tension.
Then I moved to St. Peters. I confess that I have not encountered so much personal animosity here. I think part of the reason is that I didn’t follow anyone into the same position… the last full time person here at SPWC was a youth pastor. They hired me for an entirely different role. (And, in practice, I am actually fulfilling an entirely different set of responsibilities than which they hired me for!) Even though I have not experienced quite the same sensations here… I have had to deal with the same types of issues.
In the six short years that I have been involved with ministry, I have encountered several ‘controversial’ issues that I never would have guessed to be ‘controversial’ before I became a pastor. These include worship styles, song selection, Christmas hymn selection, instrument selection, worship band scheduling, movement on stage during pastoral prayer, Bible translations, church bus issues, building maintenance, parsonage maintenance, church lawn maintenance, carpet coloring, etc, etc, etc.
The list could carry on for awhile… these are just a few examples of pettiness found in churches. There are days when it gets so bad, I just want to throw up my hands and explore other options of employment. I get angry. I get self-righteous. I get indignant. I start thinking crazy things like: If heaven is going to be a perfect place… then surely some of these people won’t be there, right? I ask God and anybody else who listens: Will there be annoying people in heaven?
Then I remember some of the petty things that I argue over… situations come to my mind of when I’ve gotten defensive over something silly… God gently reminds me of some of the things that I constantly get mad about… and He firmly answers my question: If there won’t be any annoying people in heaven… then you won’t be there either. Ouch. Double Ouch.
I am thankful that I serve a patient God. I am thankful that I have been redeemed by a God that loves me, regardless of what I look like… of who I might annoy… of how I act when I’m mad… of what I’ve done in the past. I’m thankful that He is willing to forgive me in my ‘not so proud’ moments when I get mad at people for being mad at the same petty things that I sometimes get mad at. I am thankful that He offers me the strength to be a loving and compassionate pastor to people who might be hard for me to love… because I could never love them on my own strength. I am glad to know that heaven will be crammed full of annoying people who have been forgiven, redeemed, and purified by the grace and blood of Jesus Christ…
“For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect.” (I Corinthians 15:9-10)
3 comments:
Very enlightening! I guess I naively thought that working in a church, especially as the pastor, automatically meant more job satisfaction than the average Joe has. It's refreshing to know that everyone has some sort of hassles and frustrations in their work, whether in full-time ministry or elsewhere.
At least a year ago, I was talking to someone at church about my job as a nurse in the operating room. I said something about how frustrating it was to have 200 bosses (a bit of an exageration but I was referring to the myriad number of surgeons, each with their own quirks and preferred methods of doing things) telling me what to do all the time. Steve Colaw overheard me and said he knew what I meant. It never occurred to me before then that besides preaching, counseling, weddings, and funerals that pastors have a lot of other stuff on their plates.
Still, your post did a good job of reinforcing a pastor's humanity. Of course you get tired, angry, frustrated.
I tend to put people of authority on pedastals. I don't mean to and I don't really expect them to be perfect. But I tend to look at them through rose colored glasses. I guess I've always thought I need all the good examples I can get and it's nice to be able to look at someone's life and say, 'They've got it together. I wish I were more like them.' Thanks for reminding me how dangerous this kind of thinking can be. All of us annoying people can only truly rely on one other, Jesus Christ our Savior:-)
Hey Josh,
I didn't know how bad pastors had it until my sister married one. The criticism is unbelievable! And most of it is unnecessary (and untrue!) Listening to my sister gave me a new appreciation for my pastors and I refuse to criticize my senior pastor at all, ever. The young whipper-snappers coming up, though, have a lot to learn about people and sometimes need to learn to listen to their elders. We do have some valuable things to say and they need to learn, but we need to communicate those things in a loving manner and not so critically.
Marilyn,
Thanks for the comments. You are right on about the 'whipper snappers' needing to learn how to deal with people. I was one and am still one who is constantly trying to figure out how to love people.
Tell you what though... some of the old pastors need to learn how to deal with people too!
I always appreciated how loving and supportive your family was to Melissa and I. You were always willing to speak the truth in love and it made me a better pastor and a better person. We will always treasure your family!
Hope you are doing well!
-Josh
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