When Your Best Isn't Good Enough

It seems like there have been specific times in my life where the 'blinders' are removed from my eyes and I am made aware that I need to do better in a certain area of life... or a certain aspect of ministry. I am thankful for these times... but they can be very painful as well.

In fact, I think the MOST painful types of these situations come when I find out that I am falling short in an area of life, relationship, or ministry that I have given my very best to. Those times when I know that I have poured energy, thoughts, resources, and the whole of my giftedness into an area at home or work... and yet I find that it still isn't good enough.

I've heard people say that God works in our lives in spite of us. I've even heard it said that even when you are at 50% or 25% physically, emotionally or spiritually... God can work through you. This is good news for a preacher who has had to mow the church lawn, do a funeral, be at the hospital for a day, and check on a parishioner's dog all in the same week. Because, come Sunday, he might not be as prepared as he would like to be when he cracks open the Word of God and begins to preach. God can and will speak through that pastor... even if he's not at his best.

But what about those times when you feel good physically... when you are in a good place emotionally and spiritually... and when you invest the whole of yourself to a project or ministry... but it's not enough? How about when you choose to do everything that you have learned is right to do... but you fall short of your goal or someone tells you that it needs to be better next time? It can be frustrating and disheartening.

I'm still learning how to deal with the disappointment. I'm still learning how to 'get over myself' in these situations. I'm still learning how to rely on God's strength. I'm still trying to figure out the proper definitions of success and failure. I'm still learning... I'm still growing... I'm still being molded. But it's still painful.

I guess I am clinging to a powerful truth that Paul wrote about in his second letter to the Corinthians: "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

I was recently watching a Cardinals baseball game on T.V. They were talking about how sinkerball pitchers have more success when they are a little tired. When a guy who throws 90% sinkers comes in feeling really good... he has a tendency to overthrow the ball. A sinker that is overthrown does not sink. It stays up. Most pitches that were intended to be 'down' but stay 'up' in the major leagues get absolutely hammered. When a sinkerballer is a little tired... he won't overthrow the ball and the downward movement will be there. So instead of relying on sheer strength... the pitcher is really relying on movement and location.

I know all illustrations break down. But maybe that's how I ought to live. Maybe this 'being at my best' stuff is overrated. Maybe when I'm at my best I tend to overthrow. Maybe I rely on my own strength too much. Is it possible that God actuallys prefers it when we are empty and weak so that he can fill us up with his power and use us to do great things through His strength?

Maybe situations like these are designed to teach me that my best will never be good enough...and that, thankfully, it doesn't have to be.