So, the adjustment of having two kids has been a trying one at times… but it has also brought me so much joy. I was just thinking the other night about how, just five short years ago, I would have never been able to predict just how much joy and fulfillment I would receive from having children.
Aaron is still not sleeping very well. We have tried just about everything we can think of and everything we have been told to do by others. (short of the really weird ideas that get thrown at us from time to time) Nothing has worked. A typical night for him is going to bed around 10:30PMish. Waking up a little after midnight. Waking up a little after 2:00AM. Waking up a little after 4:00AM. Waking up around 6:30AM. Every night is a little bit different… and we don’t usually know what to expect.
Melissa measured him today because it looks like he pretty much went from 0-3 straight into 6-9 as far as his clothes are concerned. He is getting too long for 3-6 already. He measured in at 23.5 inches! He has been smiling a lot more lately. Usually he’ll have something to ‘say’ while he smiles. It’s really fascinating to watch.
I have been so proud of Emily. She has adapted very well to having a little brother. (Even though some in our church predicted that she wouldn’t handle it very well… I’m glad to say that they were dead wrong.) She loves to help with bath time. She washes his legs and stomach while mommy washes his head and back. She gets defensive of him around other kids, in fact. Basically saying: ‘Don’t touch him, I’m the big sister.’ Which is an attitude that, quite honestly, I like and won’t try to change.
Emily has started pre-school… and she seems to really like it. She has learned some things like knowing her right from her left… and they are working on her letters both in identification and in actually trying to write them… among other things. When I pick her up, she is as excited as can be and talks my ear off about all the things she did the whole way home.
Since Melissa has been busy trying to feed Aaron and put him to bed… I have taken over the duties of putting Emily to bed. It tends to be a very involved process. First, we clean her room, which tends to look like a bomb hit it. Second, we get her pajamas on. Third, we get a bedtime snack and drink for her to consume while I read to her. Fourth, we read through a story. (About a month ago, I bought a Preschoolers Illustrated Bible online, each story is about four pages long and she loves to look at the pictures and try to remember names like ‘Jacob’ and ‘Esau.’ We are currently stopping with the story of Joseph so that I can read a Disney World book to her as we countdown our trip together.) Fifth, we pray. Sometimes she prays first, sometimes I pray first, sometimes she has her stuffed doggies pray. Like I said, it’s pretty involved… and I wouldn’t change it for anything.
Her prayers have become more and more elaborate. “God Jesus, so glad to see you today, and I love you very much. Mommy is a smart cookie, daddy is a smart cookie, Aaron is a smart cookie, Sherlock is a smart cookie, Sam is a smart cookie. (Sam is the little boy that Melissa has started watching at home.) I like Disneyland and want to ride the Pirates ride, the Buzz Lightyear ride, the ghost house ride, and the Mickey glasses ride. Amen.”
I want to hold on to these prayers… these not quite perfect phrases and sentences when she is still trying to understand things… I don’t want to forget just how unique a time it is to listen to a four year old pray and express her feelings.
Anyway… all this to say: I really love my family. I love spending time with them, I love getting to know them better. I just really, really love them…
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
My Little Man
His facial reaction when he finds out that the Cubs have won:
His facial reaction when he finds out that the Cardinals have won:
His facial reaction when he finds out that the Cardinals have won:
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Unlearning Success
I grew up at Heritage Wesleyan Church. When I was a small kid… the church ran in low 100’s. By the time I was in high school, the church had grown to a very solid 300. By the time I was a freshman in college they had grown to 500. And as a sophomore in college, just one year later, they were regularly breaking 1,000 people in the Sunday morning worship attendance. As of right now, they are running about 2,800.
While Heritage isn’t a perfect church, (what church is?) God has certainly poured out His Spirit upon that congregation. People are coming to Christ through the ministries of that church; people are being set free from spiritual oppression; people are being educated about having a world view and a missions mindset; people are genuinely worshipping and growing in their walk with the Lord.
I am proud to say that I grew up in that church. I have hundreds of fond memories which I’m sure I’ll take time to recount in another post. I am proud of and look up to the lead pastor there, John Bray. My father is a staff pastor there and my mother has worked there as an administrative assistant for years. I love going back to visit. I love seeing what they are doing. I love stealing their good ideas.
That said, I sometimes wonder if having grown up in Heritage has created an unrealistic expectation in me. I have been a full time staff member at two churches and I have worked at two or three others on a part time basis. I have been conditioned since my high school years to think that if a church isn’t growing, it isn’t successful. Nobody at Heritage came out and said that… but since I observed growth… I naturally fell into that mind set.
When I went to Kalamazoo, I went with high expectations. The youth program there was in pretty good shape, though disorganized. There was a good base of kids to work with… and with visions of Heritage dancing in my head, I figured that growing a large youth group would be easy. Not so with me. If anything, attendance slightly declined in my first year… and drastically declined my second and third years there. It wasn’t until my fourth year that I sort of ‘figured it out’ and I experienced my highest attendance while at Kalamazoo. Even then, it wasn’t explosive growth.
Again, when I went to St. Peters, I really thought we were on the verge of a sustained growth pattern. I went in with these dreams that we’d be running 300 in a couple of years. It has not happened and I’ll be honest… because I have been conditioned to think a certain way… my first instinct is to despair… and my second instinct is to question my call… because in my paradigm of success, there wasn’t much room for a pastor that can organize a good event, lead worship, and help the body become better rooted in Christ… all that mattered to me was that the church grew.
All this has been difficult for me to balance. Questions like: Am I a bad pastor because no church that I have been involved with in a full time capacity has ever really grown… and no ministry that I’ve been in charge of has just exploded off the map? Can I be a successful pastor, even if I never pastor in a large church? I know the answers to these questions. I really, really do. But in the midst of unlearning a paradigm… sometimes my mind can still play tricks on me…
As Yoda once said: “You must unlearn what you have learned.”
For the record, here’s what I’m NOT saying:
• I’m not saying that large churches are bad.
• I’m not saying that the goal of growing our churches is bad.
• I’m not saying that we should stop reaching people for Christ.
All I’m suggesting is that my definition of success might need some tweaking…
While Heritage isn’t a perfect church, (what church is?) God has certainly poured out His Spirit upon that congregation. People are coming to Christ through the ministries of that church; people are being set free from spiritual oppression; people are being educated about having a world view and a missions mindset; people are genuinely worshipping and growing in their walk with the Lord.
I am proud to say that I grew up in that church. I have hundreds of fond memories which I’m sure I’ll take time to recount in another post. I am proud of and look up to the lead pastor there, John Bray. My father is a staff pastor there and my mother has worked there as an administrative assistant for years. I love going back to visit. I love seeing what they are doing. I love stealing their good ideas.
That said, I sometimes wonder if having grown up in Heritage has created an unrealistic expectation in me. I have been a full time staff member at two churches and I have worked at two or three others on a part time basis. I have been conditioned since my high school years to think that if a church isn’t growing, it isn’t successful. Nobody at Heritage came out and said that… but since I observed growth… I naturally fell into that mind set.
When I went to Kalamazoo, I went with high expectations. The youth program there was in pretty good shape, though disorganized. There was a good base of kids to work with… and with visions of Heritage dancing in my head, I figured that growing a large youth group would be easy. Not so with me. If anything, attendance slightly declined in my first year… and drastically declined my second and third years there. It wasn’t until my fourth year that I sort of ‘figured it out’ and I experienced my highest attendance while at Kalamazoo. Even then, it wasn’t explosive growth.
Again, when I went to St. Peters, I really thought we were on the verge of a sustained growth pattern. I went in with these dreams that we’d be running 300 in a couple of years. It has not happened and I’ll be honest… because I have been conditioned to think a certain way… my first instinct is to despair… and my second instinct is to question my call… because in my paradigm of success, there wasn’t much room for a pastor that can organize a good event, lead worship, and help the body become better rooted in Christ… all that mattered to me was that the church grew.
All this has been difficult for me to balance. Questions like: Am I a bad pastor because no church that I have been involved with in a full time capacity has ever really grown… and no ministry that I’ve been in charge of has just exploded off the map? Can I be a successful pastor, even if I never pastor in a large church? I know the answers to these questions. I really, really do. But in the midst of unlearning a paradigm… sometimes my mind can still play tricks on me…
As Yoda once said: “You must unlearn what you have learned.”
For the record, here’s what I’m NOT saying:
• I’m not saying that large churches are bad.
• I’m not saying that the goal of growing our churches is bad.
• I’m not saying that we should stop reaching people for Christ.
All I’m suggesting is that my definition of success might need some tweaking…
Monday, August 14, 2006
Judge Not...
The other day, I was listening to a CD of a service from my home church, Heritage Wesleyan. Pastor John Bray was speaking about the issue of being judgemental. In one section, he provided some warning statements that might signal that I have become judgemental in my life:
1) If you see the world in black and white. -Obviously there are some things that are clearly black and white. I think John was talking about the times when we decide something is black or white without having any knowledge about it. An example that I have run into recently is the DaVinci Code. It is clearly a work of fiction that pulls quite a character assassination of the church. Most Christians just condemned it without even reading it. To me... that's judgmental and ignorant all at the same time. That's just an example... but I have to ask myself... do I tend to see people's actions as black or white... without trying to understand the grey; without trying to understand the WHY behind their actions?
2) If you tend to offer your opinion whether it is your business or not. -Sometimes I do, sometimes I do...
3) If you tend to be negative more often than you are positive. -This one hit me pretty hard... because I tend to be this way.
4) If you have an inward smile at someone else's failure. -I am shamed to say that I have done this before several times.
5) If you find confrontation to be easy. -John talked about how confrontation is needed in certain situations... but that it should never come easily to anyone. He talked about how confrontation usually brings a certain amount of pain and hurt into the other person's life... and if you find yourself liking confrontation or find it easy to do... then maybe you should check your motives and your spirit... because none of us should ever grow comfortable adding pain and hurt to another's life. Even when confrontation is sorely needed... it shouldn't come easy.
I was humbled to find that, with the exception of number five, all of these statments have been or are currently a reality in my life. God has since been working on checking my spirit when judgemental thoughts and words make their way in my head and out my mouth.
"Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is." -Yoda
Sorry... I had to throw a Yoda quote in here!
1) If you see the world in black and white. -Obviously there are some things that are clearly black and white. I think John was talking about the times when we decide something is black or white without having any knowledge about it. An example that I have run into recently is the DaVinci Code. It is clearly a work of fiction that pulls quite a character assassination of the church. Most Christians just condemned it without even reading it. To me... that's judgmental and ignorant all at the same time. That's just an example... but I have to ask myself... do I tend to see people's actions as black or white... without trying to understand the grey; without trying to understand the WHY behind their actions?
2) If you tend to offer your opinion whether it is your business or not. -Sometimes I do, sometimes I do...
3) If you tend to be negative more often than you are positive. -This one hit me pretty hard... because I tend to be this way.
4) If you have an inward smile at someone else's failure. -I am shamed to say that I have done this before several times.
5) If you find confrontation to be easy. -John talked about how confrontation is needed in certain situations... but that it should never come easily to anyone. He talked about how confrontation usually brings a certain amount of pain and hurt into the other person's life... and if you find yourself liking confrontation or find it easy to do... then maybe you should check your motives and your spirit... because none of us should ever grow comfortable adding pain and hurt to another's life. Even when confrontation is sorely needed... it shouldn't come easy.
I was humbled to find that, with the exception of number five, all of these statments have been or are currently a reality in my life. God has since been working on checking my spirit when judgemental thoughts and words make their way in my head and out my mouth.
"Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is." -Yoda
Sorry... I had to throw a Yoda quote in here!
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Unchanging
I’m not sure how to explain this, but the past few weeks have been difficult for me. It might be the added stress of having a newborn around. It might just be the heat. It might be church related circumstances. It might be a combination of a bunch of things… but I feel spiritually and emotionally drained. I’m stealing a phrase from one of my favorite U2 songs here… but I’ve just felt numb. Numb and empty.
I go through phases when I feel like this… but usually I can pinpoint exactly why. This time is different. For the most part, this should be a happy time in my life. There have been no major disappointments, I haven’t received any bad news about my family… there hasn’t been anything terrible that has happened in my job, though, nothing altogether exciting has happened either.
I just feel like my life is slipping away from me faster than I can absorb it. I look around and realize that my four year old is about ready to start pre-school. I can’t believe that my new-born is already six weeks old. There are days at work when I look around my office and the church and wonder what difference I am making… not only in my community, but even within the church that I am working for. I’ve been here three years and I sometimes wonder if I’ve made any kind of contribution.
Last night, I was on my way home with my family after running a few errands. A song came on the radio from Casting Crowns that caught my attention. The song is called: Praise You In This Storm. Even though I do not feel like I am going through a particular storm in my life right now, the lyrics of this song’s chorus really ministered to me:
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Especially the part about ‘For You are Who You are, no matter where I am.’ The doctrine of God’s immutability (unchanging nature) has always been a tremendous comfort to me. Though my life is constantly changing around me… God remains the same. God remains in control. God extends the same promise of wisdom in times of confusion; strength in times of exhaustion; peace in times of stress; and hope in times of despair.
And so, even though I don’t feel my best right now; even though I am confused about many things; even in the midst of my own personal weakness… I rejoice that God’s faithfulness never fails. Even though I might struggle to see His hand at work right now, I am encouraged that the God who never changes is always at work in my life… always molding me, always shaping me, always drawing me into deeper communion with Him. For that, I do praise Him, storm or not… I praise Him.
I go through phases when I feel like this… but usually I can pinpoint exactly why. This time is different. For the most part, this should be a happy time in my life. There have been no major disappointments, I haven’t received any bad news about my family… there hasn’t been anything terrible that has happened in my job, though, nothing altogether exciting has happened either.
I just feel like my life is slipping away from me faster than I can absorb it. I look around and realize that my four year old is about ready to start pre-school. I can’t believe that my new-born is already six weeks old. There are days at work when I look around my office and the church and wonder what difference I am making… not only in my community, but even within the church that I am working for. I’ve been here three years and I sometimes wonder if I’ve made any kind of contribution.
Last night, I was on my way home with my family after running a few errands. A song came on the radio from Casting Crowns that caught my attention. The song is called: Praise You In This Storm. Even though I do not feel like I am going through a particular storm in my life right now, the lyrics of this song’s chorus really ministered to me:
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Especially the part about ‘For You are Who You are, no matter where I am.’ The doctrine of God’s immutability (unchanging nature) has always been a tremendous comfort to me. Though my life is constantly changing around me… God remains the same. God remains in control. God extends the same promise of wisdom in times of confusion; strength in times of exhaustion; peace in times of stress; and hope in times of despair.
And so, even though I don’t feel my best right now; even though I am confused about many things; even in the midst of my own personal weakness… I rejoice that God’s faithfulness never fails. Even though I might struggle to see His hand at work right now, I am encouraged that the God who never changes is always at work in my life… always molding me, always shaping me, always drawing me into deeper communion with Him. For that, I do praise Him, storm or not… I praise Him.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Irritating Inconsistency
You can say alot about the 2004 and 2005 St. Louis Cardinals... but the first thing that comes to my mind is the word consistent. They were consistently good. Over the span of two years, I think their biggest losing streak was four games... and that only happened twice: The World Series and late in 2005 after they had clinched their division. It was truly extraordinary.
This year has been different. They are consistent... that is, they are consistently inconsistent. They are either really, really, really good... or they are really, really, really bad. Check out these numbers: Here are all the steaks they have been on this year. (This includes every game they have played till now)
3-0 (Sweep in Philly to start the year)
0-3 (Swept in Chicago)
14-5 (Long run of excellence where they won six straight series)
0-4 (Swept in Cincinnati and Houston)
15-5 (Another great run of winning six straight series)
3-7 (Bad stretch at home against Chicago and swept by the Reds)
7-2 (A mini-run against inferior teams)
3-13 (Eight game losing streak included: Swept by the White Sox and Tigers... lost series to Cleveland and KANSAS CITY.)
13-3 (Seven game winning streak that including four extra inning wins... showed great resilence and dominance over the Dodgers)
0-5 (Laid down in Chicago against arch-rivals... forgot how to play defense... looked like a bunch of bush leaguers all weekend and last night)
How does a team that can look so good for weeks at a time turn around and look so pathetic for a week or so? It is hard to figure and it has been hard for me to stay interested and get excited about our chances in the post-season this year. Here's hoping that we even MAKE the playoffs this year... and if we do, that it will be during one of our good stretches of baseball and not one of our bad stretches.
This year has been different. They are consistent... that is, they are consistently inconsistent. They are either really, really, really good... or they are really, really, really bad. Check out these numbers: Here are all the steaks they have been on this year. (This includes every game they have played till now)
3-0 (Sweep in Philly to start the year)
0-3 (Swept in Chicago)
14-5 (Long run of excellence where they won six straight series)
0-4 (Swept in Cincinnati and Houston)
15-5 (Another great run of winning six straight series)
3-7 (Bad stretch at home against Chicago and swept by the Reds)
7-2 (A mini-run against inferior teams)
3-13 (Eight game losing streak included: Swept by the White Sox and Tigers... lost series to Cleveland and KANSAS CITY.)
13-3 (Seven game winning streak that including four extra inning wins... showed great resilence and dominance over the Dodgers)
0-5 (Laid down in Chicago against arch-rivals... forgot how to play defense... looked like a bunch of bush leaguers all weekend and last night)
How does a team that can look so good for weeks at a time turn around and look so pathetic for a week or so? It is hard to figure and it has been hard for me to stay interested and get excited about our chances in the post-season this year. Here's hoping that we even MAKE the playoffs this year... and if we do, that it will be during one of our good stretches of baseball and not one of our bad stretches.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
VBS
This is Emily reciting a Bible verse that she learned at VBS... I'll post another video of her singing a few of the songs she learned sometime in the near future...
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