I visited a lady today who lost her husband unexpectedly two weeks ago. They had been married for 42 years. I was supposed to be the one ministering to her, but it turns out that she was the one who ministered to me. As she tearfully described the emotions that she had been feeling over the past several weeks, I was reminded of how precious life is. I was reminded of how precious my loved ones are. I was reminded of how compassionate God is.
She started by looking at me and the other pastor that was visiting her and saying: “You both are young. You probably never think about how life might be without your mate. Cherish the moments you have with them now, because you just don’t know how long you might have with them.”
I had to ask myself after meeting with this woman: Do I tell Melissa that I love her enough? Do I invest enough time into my family? I either Melissa or I had to leave this world soon, would I regret the amount of time that I have spent with her?
We continued to talk about the funeral and how the service was structured. My mind wandered to what I would like to see happen at my funeral. It made me think about what I would hope is said about me. What things would be most meaningful to me? I hope it’s a celebration of a life well spent. I hope people say: Josh really loved God. Josh really loved his family. I don’t really even care if they say I was a lousy preacher, or whatever about my ministry skills… as long as they say that I loved God and I loved my family.
I don’t know why, but God has put these types of thoughts into my mind many times over the past year or so. I even blogged about it once last year. And I haven’t handled it well. I would like to confess something: I have a fear of growing old. I know that might sound weird to some of you. And I mean no disrespect to those of you who are reading this and consider yourself to be old. I just have a fear of it. I scared of growing obsolete. I am scared of losing my mind and memories to disease. I am scared of losing mobility. I am scared of letting go of loved ones. I am scared of being alone. More than anything, I guess, I’m just scared of losing control.
Maybe I have a trust problem. Maybe I’ve watched the news too much. Maybe I’ve watched too many sad movies. I’ve just noticed more and more that ‘happily ever after’ does not happen all that often on this earth. But as I listened to this woman, I was reminded of an important truth: God will never abandon me. I’ve always known this, of course. But life and stress both have a way of making you forget certain truths. God will never abandon me.
So, when I become obsolete in this world, I can know that God will always consider me precious. I can also know that my unchanging, all-powerful God will never become obsolete. If I lose my memories… if I lose my mind… if I lose my mobility… I can know that someday in eternity, God will restore those facilities. I can also know that my omniscient God will never forgot and His knowledge and wisdom will never fail. When I lose loved ones and when I feel alone, I can know that God will never leave me, and hopefully I’ll have the chance to see my loved ones again. When I feel like I’ve lost control, I can remember that God is love… and that I can absolutely trust His motives and His plan.
"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea." (Psalm 46:1-2; NLT)
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