I have a confession to make: I have an addiction. I am addicted to being right. If I feel like someone is saying that I’m wrong… I can get defensive in a hurry. I imagine I’m not completely alone in this struggle. In fact, a look at church history suggests that I am not alone in wanting to be right.
My need to be ‘right’ has sometimes caused me to say hurtful things. My need to be ‘right’ has sometimes left people around me feeling alienated. My need to be ‘right’ has often times left me completely ignorant of exploring all the different sides of an issue or debate. To sum up… my addiction to being ‘right’ has many times led me down a road of very wrong responses.
Sometimes I think of my life like a pendulum that is constantly swinging back and forth in reaction to my need to be right. If I find an idea to my liking… I immediately discredit the opinions of any people that are opposed to it, and often times, I take an even more conservative or liberal view of the issue… and the pendulum of my life swings further than I ever intended it to.
It’s happened in my life in various ways over my years in ministry: (These aren't all issues that I have gotten defensive over in any inappropriate way... these are only mentioned to illustrate how I tend to overcompensate in my opinions...)
• Pendulum swing 1: I read most of a book called ‘The Emerging Church’ and was fascinated by this postmodern culture that I read about. I wanted to embrace all things postmodern. Pendulum swing 2: Using some of the principles and ideas from ‘The Emerging Church’, my church started a postmodern service that ultimately wasn’t successful for various reasons. Realized that not all postmoderns look alike… and what works in California or the East Coast or wherever might not necessarily work in St. Louis. Pendulum swing 3: Grew concerned with some of the stories I’ve heard of ‘postmoderns’ wanted to leave the church and do faith in a more relational way… without accountability. Other things I’ve read and saw leave me less inclined to agree that all things in the emergent church are good.
• Pendulum swing 1: Grew up in a church that was very successful in training their people to share their faith. Church planting was never really part of the paradigm I grew up in. Pendulum swing 2: Went to school and learned a little about the success of church planting and in my first couple of years of ministry… personally saw how successful they can be in evangelism. Pendulum swing 3: Got hired at a church that is trying to mobilize towards a church plant and while I agree that this church plant needs to happen and while I will whole-heartedly support it when it does happen... I have come to this realization: I get much more excited about doing ministry inside an established local church than I ever will about doing ministry at a church plant.
• Pendulum swing 1: I liked ‘contemporary’ worship… so anybody that liked tradition worship must be narrow minded. Pendulum swing 2: I grew restless with the shallow, repetitive lyrics of the choruses from the 80’s and 90’s… and realized that the hymns were strong in heavy lyrics and theology.
Someday, I would like to be at a place where I am not so insecure in my opinions that I have to react so strongly to one that differs from it. I hope that I can eventually get to a place when I could respond with genuine openness to differing opinions without flying off the deep end, getting defensive, or saying hurtful things. Maybe someday I can get to a place where I can be ok with agreeing to disagree with someone… rather than trying to force them to see things my way. Someday, I would like to be able to live in the way that St. Augustine suggested when he said this:
“In Essentials, unity. In non-essentials, liberty. In all things, love.”
I am not there yet… but someday, perhaps…
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
God is Love
Since I usually only get to preach about three to four times a year... I figure I better post any recent sermon excerpts on here whenever I can. Here's a small portion of a sermon I preached last weekend about God's attributes. (Apologies to those who already heard this...)
“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?” (Isaiah 40:12)
One part of God’s nature that has been made known to us in a very intimate way to us is His love. 1 John 4:16 says it quite simply: God is love.
I mean, let’s think about it...
Why would a God who can be everywhere at once allow Himself to be confined to human flesh?
Why would a God who knows everything put Himself in a position where He would have to learn how to speak as a little baby boy?
Why would a God who has never had a beginning and will never have an end… a God who has never been confined by the constraints of time… why would He become a man and allow Himself to be bound by time’s rules?
I wonder… what could possibly be the driving force behind a God who could hold all the earth’s dust and dirt in a bucket like it was no big deal... a God who could weigh the largest mountains on scales as if he were going to sell them like produce… Why would He put himself in a position where He would struggle to find the strength to carry His own cross?
What would lead a God who could hold all the earth’s water in the hollow of His hand to allow those same hands to be pierced by Roman nails?
I wonder… what would lead God, who by the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens and the earth… what would lead Him to have those hands stretched across a Roman execution device? I wonder...
But I’m not the only one who asked questions like this: King David asked a similar question in one of his Psalms:
“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:3-4)
I think the answer to all of these questions goes back to that simple truth found in 1 John 4:16: God is love. God loves you. God loves me. God loves each of us. His love is what put Him on the cross for your sins and for my sins.
St. Augustine once wrote about a powerful truth: “God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us.”
John wrote in his first epistle: “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)
Perhaps the most well-known verse in the world was also written by John: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)
God is love. And He has made that love known to us. He has gone to great lengths to communicate that love. For which I am certainly thankful...
“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?” (Isaiah 40:12)
One part of God’s nature that has been made known to us in a very intimate way to us is His love. 1 John 4:16 says it quite simply: God is love.
I mean, let’s think about it...
Why would a God who can be everywhere at once allow Himself to be confined to human flesh?
Why would a God who knows everything put Himself in a position where He would have to learn how to speak as a little baby boy?
Why would a God who has never had a beginning and will never have an end… a God who has never been confined by the constraints of time… why would He become a man and allow Himself to be bound by time’s rules?
I wonder… what could possibly be the driving force behind a God who could hold all the earth’s dust and dirt in a bucket like it was no big deal... a God who could weigh the largest mountains on scales as if he were going to sell them like produce… Why would He put himself in a position where He would struggle to find the strength to carry His own cross?
What would lead a God who could hold all the earth’s water in the hollow of His hand to allow those same hands to be pierced by Roman nails?
I wonder… what would lead God, who by the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens and the earth… what would lead Him to have those hands stretched across a Roman execution device? I wonder...
But I’m not the only one who asked questions like this: King David asked a similar question in one of his Psalms:
“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:3-4)
I think the answer to all of these questions goes back to that simple truth found in 1 John 4:16: God is love. God loves you. God loves me. God loves each of us. His love is what put Him on the cross for your sins and for my sins.
St. Augustine once wrote about a powerful truth: “God loves each one of us as if there were only one of us.”
John wrote in his first epistle: “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1 John 3:1)
Perhaps the most well-known verse in the world was also written by John: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16)
God is love. And He has made that love known to us. He has gone to great lengths to communicate that love. For which I am certainly thankful...
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
The Introverted Pastor: Part 3 of 3
As an introverted pastor, I can tell you that my preaching style has changed drastically over the seven years I’ve been in ministry and the ten or so years that I've been preaching. In college, when I was still wanting to be like John Maxwell… I would assemble an outline and throw in as many quotes and illustrations as I could. I would preach from that outline. The first few times I did this, it worked like a charm. I practiced preaching the outline until I pretty much had it memorized. I moved around the stage a lot, I preached from the outline, and did my best to make it look like I was a natural public speaker… and it worked… for awhile.
When I finally got into full time ministry in Kalamazoo, the lead pastor there gave me opportunities to preach about once a month. It was much more difficult in a full time setting to have each sermon prepared with enough time to practice it the 10 or so times I needed to actually memorize it. But I continued on… but without it being memorized, I felt much less confident and much more susceptible to nerves. (This introvert is no fan of public speaking when he might actually have to come up with some stuff on the spot.) In college, I got nervous… but I also had fun because I had enough time to prepare (memorize) and be confident enough to not let my nerves get the best of me. My first year in Kalamazoo was, well, the exact opposite.
I remember one particular Sunday night, I was preaching on 2 Corinthians 12, the passage where Paul says ‘in my weakness, I am made strong.” I remember being so nervous that night that I repeated many of my sentences. It wasn’t even a well written outline. My transitions from point to point were terrible because I couldn’t think clearly enough go from one point to another without just stopping the first point cold turkey… and starting the second point at a 100 miles an hour. I remember being so disappointed in myself that night and so discouraged. Something also clicked in the back of my mind about trying to figure out a way that would take my nerves out of my preaching equation.
I honestly don’t ever remember being taught about manuscripting in college… or if it was mentioned, I just ignored it because I wanted to preach like the greats who didn’t even have notes in front of them. At some point in my second year of Kalamazoo, I decided to try writing out my whole sermons… from start to finish. I was a little nervous the first time I tried this… but not for the reasons you might guess. I wasn’t the least bit nervous about talking in front of people that night… but I was nervous because I was giving up on my dream of preaching like a John Maxwell or Adrian Despree. A manuscript is basically a handcuff that keeps you pretty attached to the pulpit… so forget about looking like a natural speaker… forget about doing cool things like walking the aisleways.
As I prepared and preached that first message… I realized a couple of crucial things: First, I was much less nervous about my delivery… and more concerned with the actual message. In other words, all my creative energy went into my study and writing, rather than worrying about whether I was going to remember to say such and such on stage. As I compared my manuscripted sermons with my outlined sermons… there was no question about which ones had the most depth… the ones that were manuscripted. Second, my transitions were much smoother than ever before. Third, I found that people understood me better because I was forced to slow down… and I got rid of some of my annoying verbal hang-ups. (Um, you know, ah, er… ) I actually had fun again in my preaching… which was important to me. Fourth, I finally realized that it’s ok to play to my strengths in preaching. As a sports fan, I’ve heard the phrase ‘You just have to stay within your talents… or stay within yourself.’ or something like that. Basically, it means, you don’t have to do too much as long as you are doing the best you can with what’s been given to you. Study and writing are directly within my gift package… natural stage presence and public speaking are not. Changing to a manuscript preacher placed me directly in the middle of my gift package, which is a good thing.
Over time, I have become comfortable with the fact that I will never preach like one of the famous preachers. People who hear me speak now… they won’t see a dynamic public speaker… but they WILL hear a guy who loves to study and communicate God’s truth. I’m probably not the type of preacher who is going to get people to cry all over the place… but the people who hear me WILL hear a message that is God centered. I will probably never be invited to some huge conference to preach to a large crowd… but I AM (with God’s help) able to feed a local church congregation with the message of the gospel. I have long since put to bed the notion that I might be the best preacher ever… but in the process, I have picked up the desire to be the best preacher that I can be… and develop the preaching gifts that God has given me as well as I can.
What does an introverted preacher look like? In my case, it looks like a guy who is trying to stay within his God given spiritual gift package and lean on God’s strength to do something that he never would have been able to do on his own…
When I finally got into full time ministry in Kalamazoo, the lead pastor there gave me opportunities to preach about once a month. It was much more difficult in a full time setting to have each sermon prepared with enough time to practice it the 10 or so times I needed to actually memorize it. But I continued on… but without it being memorized, I felt much less confident and much more susceptible to nerves. (This introvert is no fan of public speaking when he might actually have to come up with some stuff on the spot.) In college, I got nervous… but I also had fun because I had enough time to prepare (memorize) and be confident enough to not let my nerves get the best of me. My first year in Kalamazoo was, well, the exact opposite.
I remember one particular Sunday night, I was preaching on 2 Corinthians 12, the passage where Paul says ‘in my weakness, I am made strong.” I remember being so nervous that night that I repeated many of my sentences. It wasn’t even a well written outline. My transitions from point to point were terrible because I couldn’t think clearly enough go from one point to another without just stopping the first point cold turkey… and starting the second point at a 100 miles an hour. I remember being so disappointed in myself that night and so discouraged. Something also clicked in the back of my mind about trying to figure out a way that would take my nerves out of my preaching equation.
I honestly don’t ever remember being taught about manuscripting in college… or if it was mentioned, I just ignored it because I wanted to preach like the greats who didn’t even have notes in front of them. At some point in my second year of Kalamazoo, I decided to try writing out my whole sermons… from start to finish. I was a little nervous the first time I tried this… but not for the reasons you might guess. I wasn’t the least bit nervous about talking in front of people that night… but I was nervous because I was giving up on my dream of preaching like a John Maxwell or Adrian Despree. A manuscript is basically a handcuff that keeps you pretty attached to the pulpit… so forget about looking like a natural speaker… forget about doing cool things like walking the aisleways.
As I prepared and preached that first message… I realized a couple of crucial things: First, I was much less nervous about my delivery… and more concerned with the actual message. In other words, all my creative energy went into my study and writing, rather than worrying about whether I was going to remember to say such and such on stage. As I compared my manuscripted sermons with my outlined sermons… there was no question about which ones had the most depth… the ones that were manuscripted. Second, my transitions were much smoother than ever before. Third, I found that people understood me better because I was forced to slow down… and I got rid of some of my annoying verbal hang-ups. (Um, you know, ah, er… ) I actually had fun again in my preaching… which was important to me. Fourth, I finally realized that it’s ok to play to my strengths in preaching. As a sports fan, I’ve heard the phrase ‘You just have to stay within your talents… or stay within yourself.’ or something like that. Basically, it means, you don’t have to do too much as long as you are doing the best you can with what’s been given to you. Study and writing are directly within my gift package… natural stage presence and public speaking are not. Changing to a manuscript preacher placed me directly in the middle of my gift package, which is a good thing.
Over time, I have become comfortable with the fact that I will never preach like one of the famous preachers. People who hear me speak now… they won’t see a dynamic public speaker… but they WILL hear a guy who loves to study and communicate God’s truth. I’m probably not the type of preacher who is going to get people to cry all over the place… but the people who hear me WILL hear a message that is God centered. I will probably never be invited to some huge conference to preach to a large crowd… but I AM (with God’s help) able to feed a local church congregation with the message of the gospel. I have long since put to bed the notion that I might be the best preacher ever… but in the process, I have picked up the desire to be the best preacher that I can be… and develop the preaching gifts that God has given me as well as I can.
What does an introverted preacher look like? In my case, it looks like a guy who is trying to stay within his God given spiritual gift package and lean on God’s strength to do something that he never would have been able to do on his own…
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Baseball Movie Tournament
To celebrate the start of another baseball season… over the next 15 weeks, I would like to identify the best baseball movie. Each week, I will match two baseball movies up for you to vote on. The poll can be found right underneath my profile on the sidebar. I would love to get your feedback. Polls open on Sunday morning and polls close on Saturday night. Come back once a week to vote for your favorite of the two movies listed on that particular week: Each week’s winning movie will move forward and match-up against another winning movie. If you need a reminder of what each movie is about and who the actors were… I’ll post a ‘match-up’ link underneath the poll that will link you to a website that summarizes the characters and plotlines. Thanks!
Here is the bracket and first round matchups:
Bull Durham 1988
Angels in the Outfield 1994
Major League 2 1994
Mr. Baseball 1992
For Love of the Game 1999
Tiger Town 1983
Bad News Bears 2005
The Natural 1984
Field of Dreams 1989
Rookie of the Year 1993
Bad News Bears 1976
The Sandlot 1993
A League of Their Own 1992
The Rookie 2002
Little Big League 1994
Major League 1989
Do I have too much time on my hands? Probably.
Am I a geek? Chances are high.
Am I really happy that spring training is starting this week? Yes I am.
Here is the bracket and first round matchups:
Bull Durham 1988
Angels in the Outfield 1994
Major League 2 1994
Mr. Baseball 1992
For Love of the Game 1999
Tiger Town 1983
Bad News Bears 2005
The Natural 1984
Field of Dreams 1989
Rookie of the Year 1993
Bad News Bears 1976
The Sandlot 1993
A League of Their Own 1992
The Rookie 2002
Little Big League 1994
Major League 1989
Do I have too much time on my hands? Probably.
Am I a geek? Chances are high.
Am I really happy that spring training is starting this week? Yes I am.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
It's A Boy!
We went to the doctor on Tuesday and found out that we are having a boy! More importantly, we found out that everything checks out and looks normal for this stage of the pregnancy.
Sorry for the picture... we have a few better ones, but I couldn't get blogger to load them properly for some reason. The baby was face down... kind of looked like he was trying to tunnel his way out with his head. Hehe.
Emily is starting to get used to the idea of having a boy baby. Somebody asked her recently if it was a girl baby or boy baby and she answered boy baby. For the longest time, she refused to talk about the baby if it wasn't a girl. She is starting to come to terms with it now, I suppose.
Of course, she might change her mind in a couple of years when the boy is running around making loud shooting noises and breaking all her toys. But I'll worry about that when it happens.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
The Introverted Pastor: Part 2 of 3
I’m not sure when it clicked in my head, maybe it wasn’t just ‘one moment,’ but a process of changing my thinking over time, but eventually I came to grips with the fact that I am who I am. I can’t be John Maxwell, I never could be. The difference in my thinking now is this: I no longer want to be John Maxwell. I want to be Josh Howard. I can only be me. God has given me my specific personality and gift package for a reason. He has convinced me that an introvert can be an effective minister of the gospel as well. Here are some of the things that he has shown me recently:
• I’ve noticed that other introverts are very comfortable around me. It takes one to know one, I guess. When I’m around another introvert, I don’t feel that awkwardness of silence that sometimes happens between people… it’s just an understanding that we introverts have less to say.
• Even though an introvert’s inner world is larger than an extrovert… an introvert can often times read people’s emotions better than an extrovert (obviously, this is not always the case) and introverts are much better at listening than extroverts (for obvious reasons). So, I am seeking to hone these skills and use them for the Kingdom’s benefit. I think of my Father-in-law, Jim Wright, who, I believe, (correct me if I’m wrong, Jim) is also an introvert. He is excellent at pastoral care… I constantly hear stories of people thanking him for his encouragement during a dark or sick time of their lives. Why do I think he is so successful at pastoral care? Because he is aware of what people need and he is willing to meet those needs… he is willing to listen… he is sensitive to where they are at… he is very good at loving those people who are hurting.
• Because my friendships tend to become deep rooted… I have the opportunity to make a significant impact on the people that I am closest to. Most people that know me will know that I am a pretty loyal person… I love and cherish my close friends. God can use that to bring encouragement to my inner circle of friends. I’ve watched my dad do this through out the years. (He’s an introvert by nature, as well) He is a great discipler of men… mostly, I believe, because he is willing to develop rich, deep, honest relationships with those men who he is discipling at the time. Every year, he takes a handful of men and meets with them once a week for an entire year... he is constantly pouring love and energy into people. An introvert can make a significant impact through their ability to develop deep relationships.
• I’ll be honest… I can’t think of a good reason why it’s good that I don’t talk during board meetings. Other than the fact that I won’t be saying anything stupid. I guess it goes back to me just wanting to listen. I probably just need to accept that that’s how I naturally interact in those situations as an introvert. I’m engaged, but just not always verbally.
God is slowly teaching me and showing me that there is a place for an introverted pastor… they have the ability to meet people’s needs in a whole different way than an extroverted pastor. The church needs both types of leaders, absolutely. I am learning to accept my limitations (but not use them as an excuse to neglect the things that I need to do… like spend time with people.) I’m not where I want to be yet… but at least I’m no longer embarrassed to be an introverted pastor. I have come to grips with the fact that an introverted pastor can be a good pastor too… which has been really encouraging to someone who is good at beating himself up for being an introvert.
In part 3, find out how I have come to grips with my preaching style as it relates to being an introvert…
• I’ve noticed that other introverts are very comfortable around me. It takes one to know one, I guess. When I’m around another introvert, I don’t feel that awkwardness of silence that sometimes happens between people… it’s just an understanding that we introverts have less to say.
• Even though an introvert’s inner world is larger than an extrovert… an introvert can often times read people’s emotions better than an extrovert (obviously, this is not always the case) and introverts are much better at listening than extroverts (for obvious reasons). So, I am seeking to hone these skills and use them for the Kingdom’s benefit. I think of my Father-in-law, Jim Wright, who, I believe, (correct me if I’m wrong, Jim) is also an introvert. He is excellent at pastoral care… I constantly hear stories of people thanking him for his encouragement during a dark or sick time of their lives. Why do I think he is so successful at pastoral care? Because he is aware of what people need and he is willing to meet those needs… he is willing to listen… he is sensitive to where they are at… he is very good at loving those people who are hurting.
• Because my friendships tend to become deep rooted… I have the opportunity to make a significant impact on the people that I am closest to. Most people that know me will know that I am a pretty loyal person… I love and cherish my close friends. God can use that to bring encouragement to my inner circle of friends. I’ve watched my dad do this through out the years. (He’s an introvert by nature, as well) He is a great discipler of men… mostly, I believe, because he is willing to develop rich, deep, honest relationships with those men who he is discipling at the time. Every year, he takes a handful of men and meets with them once a week for an entire year... he is constantly pouring love and energy into people. An introvert can make a significant impact through their ability to develop deep relationships.
• I’ll be honest… I can’t think of a good reason why it’s good that I don’t talk during board meetings. Other than the fact that I won’t be saying anything stupid. I guess it goes back to me just wanting to listen. I probably just need to accept that that’s how I naturally interact in those situations as an introvert. I’m engaged, but just not always verbally.
God is slowly teaching me and showing me that there is a place for an introverted pastor… they have the ability to meet people’s needs in a whole different way than an extroverted pastor. The church needs both types of leaders, absolutely. I am learning to accept my limitations (but not use them as an excuse to neglect the things that I need to do… like spend time with people.) I’m not where I want to be yet… but at least I’m no longer embarrassed to be an introverted pastor. I have come to grips with the fact that an introverted pastor can be a good pastor too… which has been really encouraging to someone who is good at beating himself up for being an introvert.
In part 3, find out how I have come to grips with my preaching style as it relates to being an introvert…
Saturday, February 04, 2006
The Introverted Pastor: Part 1 of 3
For the longest time, I was scared of pastoral ministry because I am an introvert. I grew up thinking that the perfect pastor was someone who was outgoing, busy, always on the go, demanding, confrontative, and a great public speaker. I was intimidated by this because I am really none of those things.
(For those of you who don’t know: An introvert is a person who is uncomfortable in large groups of people. They have the capacity to really love people, but they are drained by them… as opposed to an extrovert who is energized by people. Introverts are energized by alone time… or family time… or time with very close friends. Introverts have to work very hard to meet and greet new people, as it takes an enormous amount of energy.)
There are things about me that I have had a hard time reconciling with the way I thought a pastor was supposed to look like and act like. Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:
• Engaging in Board Meetings: For seven years, while in full time ministry… I have sat through board meetings saying a total of two or three sentences during discussion times. Thing is, I would much rather listen to the discussion than engage in it. I can talk if needed, I can give reports and lead discussions… but when it comes to the ‘free speech’ moments of board meeting… I just listen. Come to think of it, I’m like that in all meetings. I speak when spoken to or when required to… but other than that… I just want to listen.
For awhile, I felt bad. I figured it was just that I was stupid or something. Then I started taking graduate classes at IWU, and I found out that I did the same thing in the classroom. I do not like to banter or argue… I simply like to soak everything in. I’m currently pulling a 3.5 GPA in those classes, so it can’t be that I’m completely stupid. I don’t ever get lost in class discussions… I mean, I follow right along and am highly interested in learning… but I just don’t talk.
• Relating to People: As an introvert, spending time with people is a struggle. Pastors aren’t supposed feel this way about people, right? I mean, it takes an extreme amount of mental energy for me to get ready for a public ANYTHING. I would rather stay home than go to a small group meeting. I would rather stay in the office than visit someone in the hospital. Walking through a crowded store drives me absolutely crazy. I’ve noticed, though, that however afraid or hesitant I am to go to these events, I feel the exact opposite after I’ve done them… I am usually glad I did. After spending time ministering to and with people, I am reminded of why I am in ministry in the first place. Of course, I’m usually dead tired… but I’m learning to expect that and just ‘cowboy up’ for uncomfortable events.
• Friendships: I always figured that pastors have to be a friend to everybody… but I have noticed that I am much more selective when it comes to making close friendships. It has been this way all my life, but typically, I only have about a handful of very close friends any place I’ve ever been. From Grade school to being an assistant at St. Peters Wesleyan… it’s been the same everywhere. Here in St. Peters, I’m lucky enough to be working with two of those very close friends (and they are both extroverts… God bless them for putting up with me.)
These are just several ways that my being an introvert has countered what I thought being a pastor should be. In part two, I will explore how my thinking has changed recently…
(For those of you who don’t know: An introvert is a person who is uncomfortable in large groups of people. They have the capacity to really love people, but they are drained by them… as opposed to an extrovert who is energized by people. Introverts are energized by alone time… or family time… or time with very close friends. Introverts have to work very hard to meet and greet new people, as it takes an enormous amount of energy.)
There are things about me that I have had a hard time reconciling with the way I thought a pastor was supposed to look like and act like. Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:
• Engaging in Board Meetings: For seven years, while in full time ministry… I have sat through board meetings saying a total of two or three sentences during discussion times. Thing is, I would much rather listen to the discussion than engage in it. I can talk if needed, I can give reports and lead discussions… but when it comes to the ‘free speech’ moments of board meeting… I just listen. Come to think of it, I’m like that in all meetings. I speak when spoken to or when required to… but other than that… I just want to listen.
For awhile, I felt bad. I figured it was just that I was stupid or something. Then I started taking graduate classes at IWU, and I found out that I did the same thing in the classroom. I do not like to banter or argue… I simply like to soak everything in. I’m currently pulling a 3.5 GPA in those classes, so it can’t be that I’m completely stupid. I don’t ever get lost in class discussions… I mean, I follow right along and am highly interested in learning… but I just don’t talk.
• Relating to People: As an introvert, spending time with people is a struggle. Pastors aren’t supposed feel this way about people, right? I mean, it takes an extreme amount of mental energy for me to get ready for a public ANYTHING. I would rather stay home than go to a small group meeting. I would rather stay in the office than visit someone in the hospital. Walking through a crowded store drives me absolutely crazy. I’ve noticed, though, that however afraid or hesitant I am to go to these events, I feel the exact opposite after I’ve done them… I am usually glad I did. After spending time ministering to and with people, I am reminded of why I am in ministry in the first place. Of course, I’m usually dead tired… but I’m learning to expect that and just ‘cowboy up’ for uncomfortable events.
• Friendships: I always figured that pastors have to be a friend to everybody… but I have noticed that I am much more selective when it comes to making close friendships. It has been this way all my life, but typically, I only have about a handful of very close friends any place I’ve ever been. From Grade school to being an assistant at St. Peters Wesleyan… it’s been the same everywhere. Here in St. Peters, I’m lucky enough to be working with two of those very close friends (and they are both extroverts… God bless them for putting up with me.)
These are just several ways that my being an introvert has countered what I thought being a pastor should be. In part two, I will explore how my thinking has changed recently…
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A Look That Could Kill
Geez, Uncle Kevin... what did you say to her?
Quick funny story from last night. Every night Melissa tucks Emily into bed and sings a few songs and prays with her. Last night, I came in with them.
Emily sang 'Jesus Loves Me.' This is how she sang it...
"Jesus loves me, this I know...
Daddy's a cranky butt, and mommy's...."
(Melissa interrupted at this point to get her singing the real song again.)
A little later, when she was praying... she actually tattled to God on me.
"Dear Jesus, I go Mary Ann's... I go to church... (and some other stuff)..."
*and then*
"Daddy called me a dork butt... amen!"
You might be wondering... did I call her a dork butt?
Well, I'm pretty sure I did, actually. Hehe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)