I’m not sure when it clicked in my head, maybe it wasn’t just ‘one moment,’ but a process of changing my thinking over time, but eventually I came to grips with the fact that I am who I am. I can’t be John Maxwell, I never could be. The difference in my thinking now is this: I no longer want to be John Maxwell. I want to be Josh Howard. I can only be me. God has given me my specific personality and gift package for a reason. He has convinced me that an introvert can be an effective minister of the gospel as well. Here are some of the things that he has shown me recently:
• I’ve noticed that other introverts are very comfortable around me. It takes one to know one, I guess. When I’m around another introvert, I don’t feel that awkwardness of silence that sometimes happens between people… it’s just an understanding that we introverts have less to say.
• Even though an introvert’s inner world is larger than an extrovert… an introvert can often times read people’s emotions better than an extrovert (obviously, this is not always the case) and introverts are much better at listening than extroverts (for obvious reasons). So, I am seeking to hone these skills and use them for the Kingdom’s benefit. I think of my Father-in-law, Jim Wright, who, I believe, (correct me if I’m wrong, Jim) is also an introvert. He is excellent at pastoral care… I constantly hear stories of people thanking him for his encouragement during a dark or sick time of their lives. Why do I think he is so successful at pastoral care? Because he is aware of what people need and he is willing to meet those needs… he is willing to listen… he is sensitive to where they are at… he is very good at loving those people who are hurting.
• Because my friendships tend to become deep rooted… I have the opportunity to make a significant impact on the people that I am closest to. Most people that know me will know that I am a pretty loyal person… I love and cherish my close friends. God can use that to bring encouragement to my inner circle of friends. I’ve watched my dad do this through out the years. (He’s an introvert by nature, as well) He is a great discipler of men… mostly, I believe, because he is willing to develop rich, deep, honest relationships with those men who he is discipling at the time. Every year, he takes a handful of men and meets with them once a week for an entire year... he is constantly pouring love and energy into people. An introvert can make a significant impact through their ability to develop deep relationships.
• I’ll be honest… I can’t think of a good reason why it’s good that I don’t talk during board meetings. Other than the fact that I won’t be saying anything stupid. I guess it goes back to me just wanting to listen. I probably just need to accept that that’s how I naturally interact in those situations as an introvert. I’m engaged, but just not always verbally.
God is slowly teaching me and showing me that there is a place for an introverted pastor… they have the ability to meet people’s needs in a whole different way than an extroverted pastor. The church needs both types of leaders, absolutely. I am learning to accept my limitations (but not use them as an excuse to neglect the things that I need to do… like spend time with people.) I’m not where I want to be yet… but at least I’m no longer embarrassed to be an introverted pastor. I have come to grips with the fact that an introverted pastor can be a good pastor too… which has been really encouraging to someone who is good at beating himself up for being an introvert.
In part 3, find out how I have come to grips with my preaching style as it relates to being an introvert…
8 comments:
Wow! Awesome points on being a good listener, loyal, all that stuff. Made me feel better about being an introvert...sometimes I catchy myself feeling almost selfish for needing my time alone to do things I want to do, that keep me grounded. But you're right...I don't make friends easily but when I do, they're usually deep, long lasting ones...I'm loyal as well. I am a pretty good listener (unless someone's attacking me) and love to hear people talk...I like living in their world for a moment as they draw me a mental picture of their troubles, their joys...I find it easy to sympathize and empathize. These are good things--thanks, Martha:)
Thanks for the comments, Angele.
For some reason, my commenting isn't working. Your comments didn't show up on the main page.
Is anybody else having trouble with commenting on their blogs?
I agree that you’re too hard on yourself. You certainly don’t give off the impression that people drain you. In fact, you’re incredibly approachable.
Thanks for answering my questions. I sometimes wonder if my quietness has anything to do with the fact that I grew up letting my twin sister do the majority of the talking for us. And now, having an extroverted husband, I depend too much on him to do the same. Still, I will always consider my social awkwardness to be my own fault for a lack of practicing.
Like you in small group meetings and such, I just like to learn from everyone else. However, during our weekly clinics at work, I’ll suggest a behavior plan to begin implementing or what have ya. But that probably just relates to my passion for kids.
Thanks for writing about this. It’s very insightful, encouraging and helpful.
As your mother-in-law, I have appreciated your blog writings. It has helped me to understand you better. I think you underestimate your abilities as a pastor and potential senior pastor. You have many skills and talents to share with a congregation. The pastor that had the most influence on my life was an introvert. His wife was very outgoing and carried the social part of their ministry. The congregation was often drawing him into discussions. But boy, was he a man of God and prayer. He is responsible for leading me to the Lord and eventually to a Christian college and encouraging me as a young teen. His sermons were wonderful and full of Biblical knowledge. So God has a place for each type of pastor that he calls into the ministry.
Angele - Sorry for the quick response earlier... I was just very frustrated that my commenting was going all crazy again. Thanks for sharing, though. I appreciate your comments.
Good self reflections there... once we get past the fact that we are just 'wired' a little differently and to embrace our strengths... I think God can do some cool things with us!
Jocelyn - Thanks for your kind words! Thanks also for being willing to share about your experiences.
I found it extremely interesting to hear about how being a twin has maybe influenced you towards being more introverted...
I have a brother that is five years younger... so that didn't come into play much. But it does make me wonder about siblings that are closer in age and are involved in the same social circles. Very fascinating. I think you may be on to something, though. Good stuff. Thanks again!
Frances - Very encouraging comments! Your testimony was something I really needed to hear... as it is just a further reminder that introverts can make a difference for the kingdom as well. Just in different ways, perhaps, then extroverts.
Sometimes God uses the words of people around me to reaffirm my calling as a pastor. He did that through you today. Thank you!
I haven't noticed any commenting trouble...I did have trouble getting onto your page for a few days last week though. I kept getting this message that it was a blocked page or something. Weird.
I agree with Jocelyn that you don't act as though we drain you:) I think of you leading small group at your house and teaching Sunday school--you're pretty open and approachable. It's funny that what we think and feel and what others see aren't always the same.
I was telling my new friend yesterday that I'm actually pretty shy about approaching people until I've had a chance to just hang out and get a general feel for people and new surroundings--she thought it was funny because she didn't get that sense at all the first time we met. We were in the same bible study discussion group (it was my first time there) and she said she never speaks in those discussions but a couple things I said really resonated with her. She was then prompted to approach me after the discussion and we exchanged phone numbers, realized how close we live...it's the fastest, easiest friend I've ever made! I really think God brought us together because neither one of us are the type to reach out like that. She said she's been going to this bible study for years and hasn't really connected with anyone there--I'm surprised she kept coming, frankly. Anyway, the only reason I spoke up at all that first time was the study was on women and handling our moods--which I was having a lot of trouble with at the time...Jeff was working long hours, we'd been here six months and I was feeling homesick, not connecting yet with anyone at church, etc...so the study was right up my alley and I vented a little and I guess that honesty drew her to me.
So, I'm thanking God for the ability to appear more outgoing than I am because I think being introverted, it's pretty easy to isolate yourself if you want to. It's an effort to put yourself out there but I always find that it's worth it, however anxiety provoking it can sometimes be.
I appreciate you putting yourself out there as much as do...both in your blog posts and your job duties. I feel I've gotten to know you so much better now that we've left and I so look forward to coming back and hope you guys'll still be there.
Hey Angele... thankfully, I haven't had any problems with commenting since Wednesday.
Not that I think you think this... but I should make a disclaimer here. Even though people drain me by nature... I love to interact with them. There are few things I love more about my job at St. Peters than leading Small Groups and teaching Sunday School.
I just don't want to give the impression that I fake liking to hang out to with people and the whole time I'm with them I'm wishing I were somewhere else. :)
When I say that I am drained by people, that is to say that it takes me a little longer than an extrovert to a) motivate or 'pump myself up' in preparation for a big public event and b) takes me longer to recover. (I sleep like a baby on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights!) Anyway, like I said, it's not that I think you think this... but I'm not faking it, I promise!
Great story... you are right. As introverts, we cannot wait for friendships to come to us... we have to be willing to put ourselves out there.
I'm trying to sort that out in my own life as I've kind of made a commmittment that in the next year, I want to get involved in some organization or club that would put me in contact with some non-Christian friends. That is such a scary thing for me, but one that I feel I have neglected for too long and one that is neccessary if I want to be an effective Christ follower.
Thanks for your words about my posts. It's funny. This whole introverted pastor thing was all written in response to another book I had recently read. I really didn't know how it would be received or even if it would be interesting to anybody other than me. Hehe.
I'm glad that it's been encouraging to people... and I'm really glad that it's generated interest and even some self evaluation. I know that all of your comments have been extremely encouraging to me. Sometimes remembering that there are other introverts out there wrestling with some of the same things is an encouragement in and of itself.
By the way... I'm hoping to still be here when you get back too. As long as Steve doesn't get tired of having an annoying introvert around and the board continues to decide that I'm worth the money that they pay me... I'm pretty sure I'll still be around.
You're worth MORE than 'we' pay you:) I'm so excited about your baby boy!!! And ditto on being encouraged to know other introverts struggle with the same stuff...well said, as usual. I was just joking about you not acting like WE drain you--I totally get what you're saying about the prep and recovery time...but people who don't feel that way may have taken it the wrong way so great disclaimer. Anyone who's hung out with you knows you're not a faker:)
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