For the longest time, I was scared of pastoral ministry because I am an introvert. I grew up thinking that the perfect pastor was someone who was outgoing, busy, always on the go, demanding, confrontative, and a great public speaker. I was intimidated by this because I am really none of those things.
(For those of you who don’t know: An introvert is a person who is uncomfortable in large groups of people. They have the capacity to really love people, but they are drained by them… as opposed to an extrovert who is energized by people. Introverts are energized by alone time… or family time… or time with very close friends. Introverts have to work very hard to meet and greet new people, as it takes an enormous amount of energy.)
There are things about me that I have had a hard time reconciling with the way I thought a pastor was supposed to look like and act like. Here are a few examples of what I am talking about:
• Engaging in Board Meetings: For seven years, while in full time ministry… I have sat through board meetings saying a total of two or three sentences during discussion times. Thing is, I would much rather listen to the discussion than engage in it. I can talk if needed, I can give reports and lead discussions… but when it comes to the ‘free speech’ moments of board meeting… I just listen. Come to think of it, I’m like that in all meetings. I speak when spoken to or when required to… but other than that… I just want to listen.
For awhile, I felt bad. I figured it was just that I was stupid or something. Then I started taking graduate classes at IWU, and I found out that I did the same thing in the classroom. I do not like to banter or argue… I simply like to soak everything in. I’m currently pulling a 3.5 GPA in those classes, so it can’t be that I’m completely stupid. I don’t ever get lost in class discussions… I mean, I follow right along and am highly interested in learning… but I just don’t talk.
• Relating to People: As an introvert, spending time with people is a struggle. Pastors aren’t supposed feel this way about people, right? I mean, it takes an extreme amount of mental energy for me to get ready for a public ANYTHING. I would rather stay home than go to a small group meeting. I would rather stay in the office than visit someone in the hospital. Walking through a crowded store drives me absolutely crazy. I’ve noticed, though, that however afraid or hesitant I am to go to these events, I feel the exact opposite after I’ve done them… I am usually glad I did. After spending time ministering to and with people, I am reminded of why I am in ministry in the first place. Of course, I’m usually dead tired… but I’m learning to expect that and just ‘cowboy up’ for uncomfortable events.
• Friendships: I always figured that pastors have to be a friend to everybody… but I have noticed that I am much more selective when it comes to making close friendships. It has been this way all my life, but typically, I only have about a handful of very close friends any place I’ve ever been. From Grade school to being an assistant at St. Peters Wesleyan… it’s been the same everywhere. Here in St. Peters, I’m lucky enough to be working with two of those very close friends (and they are both extroverts… God bless them for putting up with me.)
These are just several ways that my being an introvert has countered what I thought being a pastor should be. In part two, I will explore how my thinking has changed recently…
3 comments:
In high school and college I considered myself an Extrovert, but lately, I consider myself an Introvert. I like to be a sponge as well in meetings, and reenergize at home. Is that even possible to switch? Here's another question for ya,...is it possible to be an extrovert in some areas of your life though the majority of the time you feel an Introvert?(and I don't mean just with people you know well)
Jocelyn ... My comments page doesn't seem to be working... I didn't even know you had posted a comment until Steve told me today. Usually I get an email notifying me... which didn't happen, and my main page still shows 0 comments. Weird.
Anyway - Great questions! I've thought about that too. I do think that as we grow older we are subject to change a little bit.
I definitely agree that circumstances can bring out the extrovert in a normally introverted person.
For instance, when I get around elementary and junior high kids... I'm willing to take my guard down a little bit and get silly with them. Back when I played baseball in high school, I remember being pretty outspoken.
Maybe it depends on how confident you are at the thing you are participating in? Or maybe how passionate you are about it?
I mean, I remember one board meeting where I didn't say a word until Star Wars came up in my board report and then they couldn't get me to shut up... don't know what that says about me... (well, I guess, it says I'm a nerd, first and foremost.)
I may be wrong, but I would guess that sports will bring out the extrovert in you because you are a gifted athlete and have a passion for athletics. Probably working with kids and teenagers too?
Anyway, good thoughts... thanks for posting. Hopefully my blog commenting will start working someday soon.
I agree, you'll be extroverted in some situations...such as me...I'm a total introvert. It's hard for me to meet new people and break away from my comfort zone, which is why moving up here as been so difficult for me emotionally. I got comfy with the folks at SPWC over time and found I could be extroverted there, with the LAF ladies, with Merita in discipleship, in small groups--I had a lot to say in those situations but I definitely have a pretty rich inner life and need quiet and alone time to recharge, to think, to dream.
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